Threads of Thought

summer-of-supervillainy:

I am tired of being told to like female characters.

Yes, I am going to judge male and female characters differently, I am going to be interested in a wider range of plotlines that feature male characters and, to be honest, I am going to like more male characters…

I felt compelled to reblog this because it seems like more and more things I, personally, encounter these days are portraying women who are bogged down in plot lines that revolve around them dealing with sexism. So it seems that society is now acknowledging the existence of sexism, but it just can’t imagine a world without it yet. Our biggest moment to shine seems to be when we get to beat up the men who would hold us down, taking their power from them. The strongest female characters being the ones who are the most manipulative and aggressive at this. No wonder some men feel like the victims of feminism. It doesn’t empower me anymore to watch the same struggles that I’ve faced, and continue to face, day to day. Rather, it’s just a tiresome reminder of things that I’m more than ready to put behind me. I’m ready for some real fiction - something that transports me to a world I’ve never imagined, with new challenges and obstacles. Perhaps that is why my newest paintings depict women transcending and cavorting with celestial fox beings.

dwam:

“The following day, I attended a workshop about preventing gender violence, facilitated by Katz. There, he posed a question to all of the men in the room: “Men, what things do you do to protect yourself from being raped or sexually assaulted?” Not one man, including myself, could quickly answer the question. Finally, one man raised his hand and said, “Nothing.” Then Katz asked the women, “What things do you do to protect yourself from being raped or sexually assaulted?” Nearly all of the women in the room raised their hand. One by one, each woman testified: “I don’t make eye contact with men when I walk down the street,” said one. “I don’t put my drink down at parties,” said another. “I use the buddy system when I go to parties.” “I cross the street when I see a group of guys walking in my direction.” “I use my keys as a potential weapon.” The women went on for several minutes, until their side of the blackboard was completely filled with responses. The men’s side of the blackboard was blank. I was stunned. I had never heard a group of women say these things before. I thought about all of the women in my life — including my mother, sister and girlfriend — and realized that I had a lot to learn about gender.”

— Why I Am A Male Feminist   (via jackiemoon)

So I’ve reblogged this article before, and one should read the full article not just this snippet. I have something to say on the subject because of a discussion I had with a friend. Here is what I wrote to her:

I was particularly struck by the part about what women have to do to protect themselves and the stark difference between the men. I had always assumed men were told the same things, and most importantly, that they knew that women were taught these things — but they aren’t (which is something I also discovered while discussing with Russell). It’s impossible to foster mutual respect when such differences occur without first being able to acknowledge these differences.

I feel like our society is at the brink of rooting out gender inequality, but right now it is only breaking the surface. Many people see the inequality but are still mired in ingrained sexist beliefs, myself included. A simple example is the fact that Chapters has book sections separated by sex - “for him”, “for her”. The most intellectual reading is grouped in the “for him” section, while most of the superficial (even vapid) reading is in the women’s section. What bothers me the most is that I still buy into this gendered stuff, where I am totally comfortable picking up a fashion magazine but have to push myself to pick up a science magazine because it actually feels wrong, which is crazy!  

The male dominated relationship that’s illustrated in the article is just too common. I have 2 fathers who both hail from a legacy of controlling men, which I try very hard not to blame them for because that does nobody any good. It took me years of heated arguments with my dad for him to even begin to see that I was making very sound, intelligent points. Eventually, he did start taking me seriously, his domineering lectures abated, and we have a much healthier relationship. I’m probably extra sensitive to these issues, but I think it’s a vital starting point for equality and it begins with women who assert themselves. 

When we were talking before, you mentioned chivalry and enjoying being dominated, which is totally cool as long as it stems from mutual respect. As soon as a person uses their size or power to get their way at the expense of another, then it becomes a problem. But how do we identify when a man crosses this line, because right now there are systems of belief in place that skew it. One time, I ended up having sex with a guy because he wouldn’t take no for an answer. I didn’t want to “cause a fuss” (by yelling or hurting him) so I just went with it and did my best to enjoy it. He wasn’t violent or mean, but to this day, I feel like that is the closest I have ever come to being raped, some would say that I was. I have no idea what I would have had to do to make him stop but the fact that I felt that I would be making a fuss in demanding he stop, and he felt entitled to have me regardless of my obvious disagreement, is what I mean when I say that gender inequality exists. These situations occur all of the time and both sexes lack the awareness to recognize when bad things are happening until it’s too late. When you hear a similar story, but the girl does decide to take action, there is a stigma against her and the legitimacy of changing her mind after the fact. But perhaps the real psychological consequences of things don’t rise up until one has sobered up, and they haunt them until they make it right.

So here I am, an outspoken, independent woman, living in a country where most people acknowledge the existence of gender inequality, and yet I still have not broken free of it myself. Now imagine any woman in a different country and the things she has to accept as normal, daily. The freedoms that I take for granted are things that she still has to fight tooth and nail for, or as yet can only dream of. This is why I feel it is necessary to keep being vocal about gender inequality.